Images

I can do that: facing the fear of my dreams

Image | | queenofhanger

ScaredComic

Before I started to draw, I felt miserable. I had recently had a big shift in my career (that required extra training and classes for a certification). I worked really hard to get to this place in my career. So, WHY did I feel so miserable?

After much soul searching, I realized it was fear. It’s not the fear of failure, but rather the fear of looking directly at my dreams and aspirations and acknowledging them. I am afraid of putting other life achievements on hold so that I can chase these wild and crazy dreams.

And one of those dreams includes drawing. Drawing gives me a place to express myself, and it feels universal. You can look at a drawing and completely understand: who, what, where, when, and why.

I spent hours looking at comics online and thinking to myself, why can’t I do that? One day as I was scrolling through instagram thinking, why can’t I do that? A little voice answered, you can.

I realized DUH! I CAN!

It was liberating.

So I began drawing. And eventually it led to me sharing my drawings. And eventually I started taking pictures of them and posting them publicly.

It took me a year of drawing and staring straight into my dreams before I could gather the courage to launch an account and website to publicly show my work. It is still a work in progress, but it’s mine. I did this. I can.

Vulnerability

Image | | queenofhanger

Goals

The funny thing about vulnerabilities is that everyone has them, yet we all pretend that we don’t. It’s uncomfortable to confront this without waging an internal war. Critiquing our very human nature is silly but very difficult to avoid.

I am at my weakest when I share my art with others. It’s terrifying. As I write this I am wincing at my sentence structure and word choices. Before publishing this blog post I can guarantee I’ve reread this entire thing 10 times and thought of every reason why I shouldn’t publish it.

I guess it’s probably human nature to shy away from pain. Through our evolution as humans, we’ve adapted strategies and created technologies to help us avoid painful things. But my vulnerability was the exact reason why I created HangryGurlComics. I sat on this idea for years, allowing it to slowly form. My ideas eventually began to take shape and ate away at my soul. As I sat inside my protective cave, I realized my unfulfilled passions were far more painful than any ridicule I could ever receive from someone else.

It has taken me a long time to arrive at this point in my journey and I still consider this the beginning. I know there are many more painful lessons for me to learn, but I will accept them. I will endeavor to be more vulnerable, and I hope you do too.

Forgetful

IMG_4022There’s always that one guy who finds it hard to distinguish between the only two women they work with. I find it odd that the women are difficult to remember, but it’s easy to remember and distinguish all 50 men. It’s understandable for the first couple times, but it becomes rude after working with them for months.

Mustache

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Sometimes, the best way to ask for a raise is to be direct and wear a mustache. 

Art is Life

Image | | queenofhanger

 

The other day someone asked me what I would do with my day off. I told them I would probably be drawing.

“Drawing! I wish I could draw”

But you can, I thought to myself.

I began drawing September 2016, more than a year ago. I recently finished filling up my notebook and as I reviewed the pages I saw how much I had improved. I also want to clarify that I am not a gifted artist that came out of the womb with a pen and paper. I sucked. I’m still not the best, but I work at it.

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This is literally the first drawing in my sketch book. I remember feeling so excited as I drew this. Today I still feel excited and laugh to myself as I draw.

Art seems to be this elusive trait that only some people were born with the ‘artistic gene’. I think this is a load of crap and an excuse to not try to create art. Art is scary, subjective, and it always seems that there is someone else who is always better.

Art is scary, but exciting! Art feels good. Who the hell cares if someone doesn’t like your art, it’s YOUR art.

I didn’t start drawing because I was an exceptional artist; instead it was a skill I wanted to improve upon. It allows me to decompress, clear my head, and laugh. I encourage YOU to begin your own artistic journey.

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I drew this sketch more than a year from the one above. I’m still learning and improving.

To begin here are a few ideas:

    1. Buy a notebook. Fill it with sketches, ideas, love notes to yourself (you get the picture). I still look through sketches I started nine months ago and decide I want to sketch it over again.
    2. Buy yourself different mediums. I have a pouch of pens and pencils of various color, ink, width and I am constantly experimenting. Keep trying new mediums until you find something that works for you.
    3. GTS (Google that shit). I absolutely love reading books, especially a good drawing book. I’ve found that many of these art books are super technical sometimes, very overwhelming. Watching a YouTube video is more effective for me. There are thousands of other artists who have already invented the wheel and can give you great advice.
    4. Create! I typically spend a minimum of 10 minutes a day drawing. Most of this id done during my commute on public transportation. Find ways to create during your day. It feels good!